“Be faithful to that which exists within yourself.”
I could see the woman in her thirties walking down the street and then I heard her thoughts. Though she seemed to be outwardly successful, they weren’t happy ones and certainly not loving but brutally critical of herself and judgemental of others. That was me ; always trying to improve by being hard on myself because I believed I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t enough. Maybe that’s why I fell into rather than chose, Learning and Development as my career path-It afforded so many opportunities to learn and evolve. It’s quite a surprise to rediscover this past self as I walk down streets familiar to me in the northern suburbs of Sydney.
The house sitting lifestyle gives me the opportunity to not only visit new territory, people, pets and places but also revisit past towns where I lived, studied and worked. How interesting that this visit has turned into a surprising journey of reconnection with a past unhappy self. In this current life of constant travel I’m making up for lost time when I stayed stuck in the same suburb, Mosman, for nearly thirty years. Thirty years in the one area! Its hard to believe now when I reflect on the past month when I travelled from Brisbane to Sawtell in NSW to Jan Juc Victoria and now here, in a leafy and well to do suburb of the North Shore of Sydney.
Of course I’ve revisited the past before but the clarity of this visit is surprisingly acute-I can feel how I then felt and hear the circuitous thoughts of the past in my head. Its a wonderful opportunity presented by that master teacher, Life, to witness the extent of my personal evolution. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect and will no doubt continue to evolve until my last breath. Unlike that woman of the past who was so harsh and unloving of herself, I can now feel great compassion and tenderness towards her. I’d like to hold her hand or put my arm around her shoulder and reassure her that being different and real is the most valuable quest in life. But then those years of self criticism and judgement of others weren’t wasted because I learnt so much and after all the suffering, I can now say that I have a great life in which I am free to be myself.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”